10 Reasons NOT to Go to Darwin Ranch

By Kate Ready

 

We don’t often do this, but we thought we would let you in on a couple of reasons that a stay at the historic Darwin Ranch may not be for you. 

 

To catch you up, this historic dude ranch has been hosting guests on and off since the 1920s, and it’s got a lot going for it. From the red rock hills and whispering aspen trees, to the herd of horses dotting the green valley with the Gros Ventre River snaking through, not to mention the staggering sense of privacy you’ll feel settling into a 100-year-old cabin, a week spent at the Darwin Ranch feels like a reset from modern times.

 

This eco-friendly guest ranch isn’t trying to be all things to all people. The mother-son team of Kathy Bole and Oliver Klingenstein, who run Darwin Ranch, is refreshingly clear-eyed about their mission.

 

“We offer the best,” owner Oliver Klingenstein explained. “You experience the best access to the epic remoteness of the Bridger-Teton Forest and the Gros Ventre Wilderness and an approach that offers you the freedom to make this experience your own, as well as the best service that quietly assures that your experience is unforgettable.”

 

Oliver and Kathy view themselves as loose-reined facilitators of exploration and personal challenge amongst their unbridled slice of the West, forging ever forward toward a zero-waste future.

 

“The scenery is gorgeous, and the roads are atrocious. There is no danger of an influx of travelers.”

 

The Darwin Ranch is decisively off the grid, it’s unsparingly sustainable, and whether it’s the food that hits your lips, or the way the land is grazed, or how the animals are cared for, the stewards of Darwin Ranch don’t take shortcuts. And they don’t expect you to either. In today’s age? It’s downright inconvenient.

 

So here it is: our completely serious, extremely official warning.

1. It’s the most remote guest ranch in the Lower 48.

Expect your teeth to chatter and your neck to bob uncontrollably at times as you drive down a rutted dirt road — yes, the journey there is no sleepy start. The historic property is so remote you’ll spend 3-plus hours driving from Jackson Hole, wondering if you accidentally signed up for a bush-whacking expedition instead of a vacation. Once you arrive, you’ll find the closest neighbor is 15 miles away, down — you guessed it — a dirt road.

 

As Skylar Sandra Scott put it in her book, History of Gros Ventre River Homesteads: “The scenery is gorgeous, and the roads are atrocious. There is no danger of an influx of travelers.”

 

2. You must like the people you bring.

I know we already said that it’s remote. But here’s the kicker: it’s very remote. Are you picking up on our subtext yet? We’ll spell it out for you: There is no escaping your travel companions — so choose wisely.

 

3. There is no Wi-Fi. No email. No texting.

A week here is akin to a full digital detox. Your phone becomes nothing more than a camera for northern lights and Milky Way shots and horse selfies that you can’t post until you reenter civilization. Tragic.

 

4. Your meals will force you to indulge.

A word of warning: off the grid doesn’t mean you won’t have your fair share of indulgence when it comes to food. Prepare to have your willpower overwhelmed as the chef keeps producing extraordinary, farm-to-table meals that will keep your fork poised, ever-ready for the next bite.

 

With the majority of the ranch’s meat and vegetables flown in via bush plane from their sister ranch outside of Cody, Wyoming (the Ishawooa Mesa Ranch), you’ll have a tough time stepping away from the crackling, spit-roasted leg of lamb and the homemade yogurt transformed into dreamy panna cotta. Not that we’re still dreaming about it or anything.

 

5. You have to stock your own bar.

You are your own bartender here, which means you get to bring exactly the spirits and wine you love. This ends up forging a unique community among the ranch’s guests and cultivates a deeper sense of curiosity, exchange and discovery. You may find yourself around the fire, leaning in as someone pontificates on their love for a particular vineyard, or a family from Mexico City may pour up a remarkable mezcal that’s particularly close to their heart.

 

6. You’ll be subjected to endless stories.

There’s something about a day spent in the wilderness, cozying up to a crackling fire under a canopy of stars that makes you want to open up and expound on what really matters to you.

 

For the Klingensteins, that’s any number of topics from mustang husbandry, sustainable farming, homesteading history, rotational grazing, zero waste living, the list goes on. Yes, unfortunately, there are things you can learn from ChatGPT. If you look really hard, you can see even the horses perking their ears up to drink in a little bit of their knowledge. Bottom line: they care deeply about the land—and stepping into their world, you’ll see it isn’t just lip service.

 

So what’s the catch? For those who didn’t make the journey, the Wyoming thesis you bring home may not be as enthralling. You may see some eyes glaze over. You may feel like you’re forcing your experience on an unwilling audience. Sometimes you just have to be there.

 

7. The trail system is absurdly extensive.

You’ll basically need your own personal wrangler to keep you from wandering into the 3.4 million–acre Bridger-Teton Wilderness. You won’t be able to see it all in one visit, meaning you’ll likely feel the pull to return. How inconsiderate.

 

8. You’ll fall in love with a horse. Or several.

Think you’re not a horse person? Think again. Oliver’s herd is too good. They’re also not for sale, which means now you’re financially obligated to get horses of your own. Yeah… sorry about your new lifelong commitment.

 

9. Your wood-fired hot tub requires actual human participation.

Think you can simply flip a switch or slap a button to get the hot tub going? Think again, friend. Even relaxation requires effort in these parts: Stoke the fire, stir the waters, maybe accidentally discover the life-changing thrill of a cold plunge. The worst part? Annoying health benefits are everywhere.

 

10. Your entire concept of “vacation” will be transformed.

We hate to break it to you, but your concept of vacation may be thrown out in the wash. Upended, transformed and redefined.

 

When you step onto the property, you must be ready to leave behind the old, familiar vacation routines punctuated by crowded airports, breakneck schedules, phone notifications, disappointing dinners, and watered-down experiences.

 

You will shed the need for sanitized vacations. Darwin Ranch is a wilderness Shangri-La that will leave you yearning for the silence and peace that off-the-grid, zero connectivity cultivates. You may miss that sharper sense of self that comes from frolicking amongst wild things under the mountain sky. You may not be able to ignore a beckoning sense of belonging to the land that calls you back year after year.

 

Hey, don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Visit darwinranch.com for more details and to reserve your spot!

 

Photographs by @Boo-creative